


Honeyed eyes

by Luminimanoise



Series: Letting oneself breathe [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Coma, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Maes Hughes Lives, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Roy tries to comunicate with a child, oh and, probably, the only important OC is Ed's daughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-06 03:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20284468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luminimanoise/pseuds/Luminimanoise
Summary: Almost 10 years after the Promised Day Roy Mustang finds himself in Central City at a position of general; just a couple of steps away from his ultimate goal. And although last years were rough for him he still managed to take back control over his own life.But now his stability comes crashing down again because of a certain subordinate of his. A person who should be dead.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone!! I just want to clarify some things before the fic itself:  
-it's inspired by the ending of 2003 anime but I haven't seen CoS so it's not canon-compliant to the movie  
-and ending itself is blurry for me now so there won't be any details. Just know that Ed went to Germany and that's all, really  
-this will be a series of one-shots throughout Ed and Roy's recovery, their relationship, bonds with other people and as much as I want to keep the present all nice and fluffy (well, mostly) there will be some flashbacks to their pasts too and they're not so happy. And I want to say it a the begging, in the future fics there will be some warnings. 
> 
> So please, enjoy!! And if you find a mistake don't be afraid to point it out. I have a feeling commas are all over the place.

Roy opened his eyes and slowly blinked at the ceiling. Exhaustion never left him these days. Outside was still dark, but just to be sure he looked at the alarm clock at his bedside. 3 am, still some time to kill. He could get up, make himself a coffee, maybe even eat something. Take a shower, dress up. Then he would have some time to look through the documents Hawkeye asked him to sign three days ago. If he was fast enough maybe he could catch up with some of his newest lectures.

He covered his eyes with an arm and tried to will himself to sleep.

When he closed the door and turned to the road his chauffeur was already waiting. After he came back to Central City from the northern outpost and got his rank back Roy was relocated from barracks to a fairy big house just half an hour from Central Command. Besides that, Madam Christmas' bar was just down the block and Hugheses' lived just a walk away. He didn't know if he should be happy or depressed when it came to his new place. It was too big and so empty, but at the same time, he didn't have to suppress his screams anymore when his night terrors were too much for him to bear.

Thomas got used to Mustang leaving his house a couple of minutes late so he didn't look as annoyed as he was the first time. It was an unspoken deal between them. Roy will have some additional time and in exchange, he won't notice Thomas driving a little faster than he should. After all, Riza won't be merciful towards any of them if they'll arrive late.

Even before Roy took a step in his direction the man was already on the move, saluting and opening backseat door for him.

„General, sir."

„Sergeant. It's a lovely morning, isn't it?" Roy, who spent a couple of last hours in silence, felt a need to fill this one with some small talk. Besides, Thomas may have been a new addition to the team, but he looked promising and blended in with the rest pretty fast. He wasn't one to flatter or panic when talking to a general either.

„Honestly, could be better." the man sighed and after a minute he was in the front seat and igniting the engine. "It looks like it'll be a fine day, but I'm sure it's going to rain later."

„A shame. I had a plan to take a lady out, but I guess my house will have to do." at that Thomas chuckled quietly. 

„That lady you speak of, sir, I'm sure she'll enjoy the quiet of your library more than a playground." Roy shook his head with amusement. He couldn't argue with that.

The rest of the ride he tried to actually focus and go through the files he had to turn in on Monday. It was Friday already and if he didn't manage to do it today he was sure he wouldn't find time for them on the weekend. 

There weren't any problems that day in the office. With every passing hour, more clouds appeared and soon the sun was no longer able to pierce through them. Everything was dark and grey; people acted slower, almost lazy. In Mustang's office, only Hawkeye looked on guard.

The second time Havoc's head thumped on his desk Roy could only roll his eyes at the sound of cocking a gun.

In the end, Fuery was the first one to leave. He packed his things in a suitcase, checked one last time the electronics laying around his desk, hoping he didn't forget anything. 

„You already going?" asked Breda, waking himself from the lethargy. 

„Yeah, I want to go to flower shop first and visiting hours at the hospital are closing in an hour. Will I make it?" he anxiously checked his watch.

„You probably should. Want a ride?" even before Fuery answered Havoc stood up and took his jacket from the hanger. 

„Huh? Oh, if you could. Is that alright, Lieutenant colonel?"

„Major finished his work for today, so I can't see why not. Are you coming in tomorrow?" after Havoc nodded she smiled lightly. „Then it's fine, go on."

The pair said their goodbyes and soon their chatter was just an echo carrying in the corridor. 

„So, Fuery's going to see his parents, the General here has plans too. It'll be a long weekend with just the rest of us working." said Breda but the whine in his voice wasn't really there. For the last couple of months everything seemed a little forced. A little fake. Everyone knew but appreciated the effort all the same. 

„You're competent enough." sighed Roy. „And Lieutenant colonel has everything under control. Besides," he waved one of the folders around. „I have already finished most of my work. If there will be something urgent just send the papers my way."

A choir of ‘yessir' answered him. 

„I should be going now."

„Sir." Hawkeye gathered papers from his desk and left them on her own to sort out later. At the same time, Roy took his coat and threw it on his shoulders. „It looks like it'll rain any moment now. Sergeant, please, drive safely."

„I always do, sir." Thomas tipped his hat towards her and went after the general.

„So, Hugheses' home?"

„Yes," Roy answered and looked towards the sky. Windows were tinted so it seemed even darker than it really was, but he was used to it, so after a moment, he decided. „After that, you are free to go."

„I know I don't look like, but I work as your bodyguard too, sir."

„I understand, but it's close to my house from here. And I will change into civilian clothes, so it should be fine."

„I don't think-„

„I just want to take Ana for a walk. You know she doesn't go outside enough. It will do her some good." he said that somewhat rushed as if he wanted to cut the conversation short and don't go any deeper into the topic. Thomas seemed to understand for which Roy was grateful. He gave him a nod and the car fell silent. 

Home of Gracia and Maes was as always very warm and full of light and love and hope and even Roy could see it.

Gracia opened the door with a smile and quickly pulled Roy into a hug. 

„It's so nice to see you." she said when they parted.

„Likewise. I'm sorry but we won't be staying for dinner tonight." he said before she could ask them to because he was sure he would agree. He would, but he already felt the headache coming and he was so tired. 

In the afternoon he went to the restroom and forgot to not look in the mirror. Two different eyes looked at him. The left one, the same he looked at his whole life, wasn't a problem. He couldn't see with it, but it didn't hurt looking at it. The second one was one of his biggest regrets- shining and gold, it reminded him of honey and desert's sands and- 

After that incident, his whole mood spiraled out of control and the only thing he could think about was a bottle of scotch hidden in one of the cupboards. He wouldn't drink it, of course not. He should really get rid of it, actually. But the want and the need and then tiredness made themselves known and Roy just really wanted to go home for today. 

„Oh? Are you sure?" Gracia looked sad, but not really surprised. „Let me just pack something for you to take home then."

„You don't have to..."

„I made these honeyed cookies you like so much."

There wasn't any arguing with her, so with a slight smile, Roy went after her inside. Soon he heard hurried steps going down the stairs and towards him.

„Uncle!!" from behind the corner jumped out Elicia, now thirteen years old. Still as bright and pretty as always. Her hair was long and wavy like she just walked out of one of the latest fashion magazines. She wore a white dress with flowery designs all over along with matching earrings. Maes was furious when she went and got her ears pierced with one of her friends (and not with him). Roy smiled at the memory while patting her hair as she hugged him. „You're here already! We just got home."

„Ah," that was a surprise. „And where were you?"

„My friends and I wanted to go to a sale today at Tommy's after school so I came back for Ana and we all went together. You wouldn't believe how..." she went on and on and Roy could only nod and make affirmation noises. In one moment he caught Gracia's amused look from the kitchen and he couldn't stop himself from mirroring it. Elicia was just as talkative as Maes. He loved listening to her though, so it wasn't any problem. „...and dad will be late today too, even though he said he'll be early and I really wanted to show him what we bought." And then she sulked. 

„On Monday. You can show it to him then." he promised and Elicia's good mood returned as if with magic. She laughed and made a ‘yup!' sound. 

From the kitchen walked out Gracia but the bag with food held a girl in front of her. Ana was just a year younger than Elicia but she was so much smaller. Her frame looked delicate and fragile even though she herself was anything but. Her hair wasn't as long and was dark brown, but wavy in the same manner as Elicia's. She insisted and Ana was weak when it came to her friend. ‘I don't really care' she said ‘If she likes it it's fine'. 

She wasn't as enthusiastic either, didn't even smile at him. She turned to Gracia, said something quietly and bowed. The woman just patted her shoulder and then opened her arms. Ana hesitated but after a while, she embraced Gracia's waist and Gracia beamed at her and then at Roy. Then Ana turned to the other girl and the two of them met in the middle hugging tightly. Elicia right away started whispering something in a conspiratory voice and Roy knew he had some more time. Changing clothes as he promised only took him few minutes so he wasn't surprised when he came back and the girls were still talking between each other, low enough that Roy couldn't hear the topic of the discussion. He didn't really want to. Ana wanted and needed some privacy on her own so he never tried to control her in any way. He knew her father wouldn't like that even one bit. 

„Hi, Roy. Are you ready?" Ana stopped his thoughts from straying too far. He didn't notice when she got so close. 

„Of course. I thought maybe we can walk to my house on foot today?" he could see the look of horror on Gracia's face the moment the words left his mouth. But before the woman managed to say anything Ana was already agreeing.

„Sounds good. Mrs. Hughes, can we borrow an umbrella? If it'll start raining or something."

„Of- of course, you can. But, are you sure? It looks really bad." 

„It shouldn't rain for some time. Here!" Elicia pushed her umbrella and one additional bag into Ana's arms. Roy quickly took the one with food because it looked heavier and Ana thanked him with a fast nod. 

„Call Maes soon. He may be angry you haven't waited for him." Gracia called out after them, waved and closed the door. 

„Have you had fun?" was the first question he asked. It wasn't every day that Ana chose going out. Roy was actually a little curious. 

„Just... Ellie talked about how much she wants to go to that store, but it's really expensive and it's such a shame. So..." Ana looked a little embarrassed as if he just caught her red-handed over something. 

„You don't have to explain yourself. I'm sure she was really happy when you agreed. But did you have fun?"

„It was nice. I got to know Ellie's other friends and they are all very kind. Except Monica, she's such a bitch." The girl even snorted at the end with disgust and Roy felt just a little bit amused. He still remembered the first meeting of Ana and Monica and complaining about the other girl for weeks. „Erk, sorry. I didn't mean to. It slipped." She said as fast as she realized she swore. 

Roy didn't exactly know what to do with that fact so he just hummed. „I'm glad then. That it was an enjoyable day." 

Just as he said it first droplets of rain started raining down. And there were more and more with every second and Ana fumbled to get the umbrella open as fast as she could but even though she did it in a record time they were already wet. „Great." She sighed and he couldn't agree more. 

„There's only a street or two left. Maybe we'll be home before the worst starts." 

„The worst?" 

„I have heard there will be a storm tonight. Some lightning, some thunder." The umbrella hit him in the back of the head but it's been doing that for the last couple of minutes so he didn't say anything. After a while when Ana still stayed silent he added. „I hope there won't be too much damage, it's a lot of paperwork." Only that got him a quiet snort which was enough with Ana. 

„You're just lazy." She said, but it sounded almost fond and Roy heard a different voice belonging to somebody else. He preferred not to think about it. 

They run the last fragment of the way because the rain got even heavier. And Ana was a little worried Elicia would get mad at her if they destroyed her favorite umbrella even though both of them knew she wouldn't mind at all. 

By the time Roy took his coat and shoes off Ana was still trying to get the water out of her hair and decided that shaking herself dry like a dog was a great idea. 

„Shall I run you a bath?" 

„Nah, I'll just take a shower. Thanks." She said after giving up on untangling the last bit of her hair. It looked like a bird's nest already. 

After both of them washed and changed their clothes they sat at the kitchen table and had dinner. It was mostly Roy asking questions and Ana answering. They talked about her week with the Hugheses' family as they always did. She spent 5 days at their home and the weekends with Roy. It has been this way since her father was hospitalized a couple of months ago so the two of them had the time to get used to each other and work out some routines. 

Normally, after a while of talking Ana would go to the library while Roy stayed in the kitchen or the living room. Then around midnight, he would go to remind her to go to sleep and it was the end of the day. 

But today apparently was special because after he took care of dishes and went to the living room she was sitting on the sofa with a book in her hands. She looked at it but he could see she wasn't reading. Roy already knew that she didn't appreciate being called out like that though, so he kept quiet and sat at the other end. He started to go through his brain looking for a topic to start a conversation with but it was depressingly empty. The only other twelve year old he talked to was Elicia and she led the whole thing herself, it wasn't hard. 

„I bought a dress today" Ana said before he managed to open his mouth. 

„That's nice." Was what came out after a pause and Roy really wanted to smack himself. He couldn't say anything blander even if he wanted to.

He couldn't remember when was the last time she wore a dress. Probably never. He always saw her in pants, never dress or even a skirt. Her buying one was unusual but hardly shocking- after all the ladies he knew preferred skirts. But when he looked at Ana she looked almost betrayed. That expression disappeared a moment later. If he wasn't surrounded by people excellent at hiding their real emotions he wouldn't see the quiet battle going on under the blank mask. Finally, she said:

„It feels wrong." Her words were slow, calculated. „It feels as if I'm moving on and leaving dad behind. He never made me wear dresses like all the other parents would. But once, more as a joke than anything else, he said that if I ever wear one he must see it first. But... Ellie and Mark were so excited to choose one for me and I couldn't- I didn't want to say no." She said resigned. „Am I a bad person?"

Roy wasn't the best at comforting people. Even worse when it came to people he cared about. But that was an easy question. 

„No, you aren't. I'm sure your-„ it was still weird to call him that „-dad would agree with me. He will be more angry if he hears you didn't do anything at all because you have waited for him." 

What the world came to. Roy Mustang, the General of Amestrian military, a man with a reputation of a womanizer (even though it wasn't exactly true), sitting in pajamas on a sofa on a Friday night trying to comfort a child. 

But most of his Friday nights were a quiet affair even before Ana, so he didn't complain. Actually, she was quite a nice addition, even though the circumstances of her stay weren't. 

She didn't answer. The only sound filling the room was the rain attacking the windows and the rustling of trees in the yard. First thunder took them by surprise and both of them flinched. Only then Ana giggled, only a little nervous, and said:

„Hey. Maybe you want to see it? The dress, I mean."

„Oh, don't trouble yourse-„ one unimpressed look later she dashed to the hall for the second bag from Elicia and then to the bathroom. 

He got a couple of minutes to do something so he went to the kitchen and took two wine glasses and poured some juice. Ana wasn't great with loud noises so he could guess that it's going to be a long night with the storm going on. 

He just sat down when the door in the hall clicked. 

The dress was simple, nothing fancy. The skirt was flowy and ended just below the knee. There was a ribbon going around the waist with a bow at the back. And it had this lovely collar some of the girls at Madam's bar cried about just a week ago. But it was the color that really made it Ana's dress. It was dark green, almost the same shade her eyes were. The girl herself stood a little stiffly, she was gripping the material and she clearly looked uncomfortable.

„So?" she asked a little defensive and a little too loud. 

„It looks really pretty. And it suits you." Ana gave him a curt nod. „You know, you can wear shorts underneath." 

„That's... actually a great idea. Huh. I didn't think of it. Wait a minute." And she run off again just to come back looking relieved and slightly comfier. „It's better." 

„I'm glad." Roy was only a little happy with himself if anyone had asked. 

The storm was starting to worsen which meant none of them would get any sleep. 

„I'm afraid of thunders." She said sitting down which only confirmed his concerns. „But you can go sleep; I'll be fine." 

„I'm not going to the office tomorrow. Besides, sitting by yourself in a dark room isn't exactly the definition of fun." She just rolled her eyes at him and took a sip of her juice. 

So the two of them spend the night in the living room, one in the pajamas, one in a pretty dress, drinking apple juice from wine glasses.

The morning came faster than they thought it would. Around 4 am it stopped raining and they went to their rooms just to nap for a while. Saturday was the Visiting hospital day. The visiting hours started at 8 am so they still could catch around 3 hours of sleep before having to get ready. 

In the hospital, everyone remembered Ana and Roy already so they got a couple of welcomes and questions about well-being from the staff and some more talkative patients. 

Ana was the first one to get to the door of room 520 and practically banged it against the wall. Roy stopped telling her not to do that a long time ago. 

The room itself wasn't anything special, not counting the table under the windows with flowers, get-well cards and some photos. The freshest bouquet standing at the bedside must have been the one Fuery bought yesterday. Roy put the one he bought (but Ana has chosen) with the rest on the table and turned to the patient.

He looked almost as if he was just sleeping. The machines connected to him, unfortunately, killed that fantasy very quickly. He was thin and pale, and he looked so so tired. So foreign yet so familiar at the same time. It was doing weird things to Roy's mind. The only thing that was never changing were golden locks spilled on the pillow behind him.

Ana already curled up near her father's leg on a hospital bed and took out her notebook readying herself for a longer stay.

„Hello, Edward." Was the only thing Roy said throughout the visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured that I don't want to spam RoyEd tag with works that actually don't have the romance yet (and there's still some time before that) so this one will get 2 additional chapters, I think and the rest (I mean like, 2 more works?) will have a couple of chapters too. One-shots will be longer and they'll come when Ed and Roy will be already in an established relationship. 
> 
> So, this one is from Roy's perspective again, the next one will be Ana's. Both of them are mostly infodump and retrospections but I'll probably come back to some of the topics later. Please enjoy!! ^^

There wasn't any miracle this time, the same way there never was. It seemed like every visit to Ed's hospital room was taking away a shred of hope from whoever went in.

Alphonse asked if he could take Ana to Risembool for a week to visit granny and meet with Winry who was also visiting. This time even Paninya was able to come so it was going to be the first time she met Ana. They took Elicia with them too. 

So, for Roy, it was one of the rare times alone with Ed. 

Of course, the latter wasn't going to say anything or start a scene as he was still deep in slumber, so Roy thought to himself that at least he wouldn't have to worry about that. Silently he wished something would happen.

He felt out of his element, alien and alone in that bright room.

Not counting the last time they talked, just a short conversation or more like a short order, to take care of Ana, actual time they have lastly spoken was almost 10 years on a Promised Day. That conversation also ended in a familiar fashion:_Take care of my brother, please._

He knew that sixteen-year-old brat with a short body and even shorter temper but he barely recognized him in the face of a man before him. There were too many bruises, too many wrinkles and signs of stress. The shadows under his eyes disappeared only after Gracia took care of them. The room smelled of rose oil for a week. 

Roy didn't have to come to pay a visit without Ana. Maybe it wasn't even proper of him. But guilt and underlying it affection made him. They weren't very close, he knew, but Ed still was a part of his team and his team was a family. They bickered and argued and made jokes but in the end, they respected each other. Maybe even felt some sort of sympathy; after all, Ed gave up one of his eyes for Roy. 

One of the worst things Roy has ever felt was waking up and thanking the universe for leaving him with at least one seeing eye- and then catching his reflection in a mirror. For a moment all he could see was gold. All the memories rushed in all at once: the sound of cement falling, screams, never-ending darkness, then the light of alchemy, red coat, torn and abandoned in the rubble, ‘_...please._' ringing in his ears. 

Fullmetal was dead. Amestris survived, Alphonse got his body back, Roy could see. The rest of his team was alive. They've won. And Edward Elric was dead. 

There were many other victims, of course there were. But it was the weight of his death on Roy's consciousness that felt like a final straw. Because he cared. He wasn't one to show it but he did. 

Once he started to think about what had waited for Edward after all this mess, what he could become if not his premature death... if only things turned out differently… 

The only thing he could do to try to atone was to help Alphonse just as Edward asked him. Them. Everyone reminded him that it wasn't a request specifically for him. That it wasn't Ed putting more responsibility on his shoulders. But he took it as such because it helped to calm his mind a little. 

He didn't help personally though and that made him feel like the biggest coward in the world. He just couldn't show himself in front of the boy. They talked face to face only once, days after the Promised Day. Al tried to be positive, lift Roy's mood a little but the colonel's heart felt even heavier after this conversation. He was the one who took care of the hospital bills, all the files, papers, documents that needed to be filled, official reports, provided psychological and physical specialists to help. Years later, after Alphonse was all finished with his rehabilitation and traveled half of the world in a quest to find his brother, Roy was the one to pull some strings and get him into the Central college without any problems and with a full scholarship. That part wasn't hard at all because Al was as brilliant as his brother. 

Somewhere in the middle of it all his failures, regrets and mistakes started to weigh him down even more than before. His goal of stopping the end of the world was completed and he was left without a purpose. And soon he found himself in an outpost somewhere in the Northern mountains. Even coaxing of both Riza and Maes didn't manage to get him out of that slump he fell into. He needed a moment. To discover what he had lost, all over again. To figure out who he was and what he was going to do next.

And he did it. Roy Mustang woke up one morning in a hut covered in snow, still tired and angry. But he sent a message to Central and was in his office at the end of the same week. He felt stable again. Not as much as he was 4 years prior, but still. Stable enough to make everything work and eady to throw himself in the whirlwind of work. Becoming the Fuhrer was his ultimate goal once again. Then democracy. A free election, actual candidates. At the same time, he would try to rebuild Ishval. He knew that the road to it will be full of obstacles and he was sure thatat the end of it, there won't be anyone grateful for what he has done. Most likely he will go up in flames. 

But he will do it, even if it kills him. 

He was so set on his goal, so focused. Everything was going back to normal. Just three years earlier he was promoted to the general rank and became responsible for Central City. He went back on his track. 

And then, as always, loudly and with an explosion, Edward Elric came back. And after him a team of trained and armed fighters. Roy and his team, as well as central soldiers, were at the training range in the East so everyone was ready. Most probably a lot of people thought it was some surprise test so they were very eager to show off.

The fight wasn't too long, the foreign forces seemingly confused and out of it, so it wasn't hard to take them down. Just their captain showed some resistance and in the last effort he shot one stray bullet. Before anyone could react it was already making its way through Edward's lung. Roy still remembered his mask giving way to a shock on his face which Fullmetal mirrored. 

Then the real chaos started. They had to keep Ed alive before the ambulance showed up but at the same time, everyone froze. Nobody could believe he's back after 9 years of absence. There was a funeral, his grave sat just next to the graves of his parents in Risembool. Dead never came back to life, that was something that every alchemist had to understand. Every human had to understand. So Roy was sure he had lost it; that he saw a person whose hair was almost the same shade of blond as Fullmetal's and now he was seeing things. 

But still, he was the first one to get to him. He fell to his knees and gathered Edward's body in his arms. The man lifted his hand and groaned when he saw blood slowly trickling down and staining his sleeve. The first instinct of Roy was to stop the bleeding but before he could even cover the wound, Edward gripped his hand with both of his. The man could feel the warm liquid, sticky and slick, in-between their fingers.

"Wait- I have to-"

"Hey, bastard." Ed said and Roy's movement stilled. His voice was lower than the last time he heard it. It made 'bastard' sound soft and sad and a little choked. That's how Roy explained it to himself. "Listen."

"_No._ You li-"

"Take care of Ana for me, okay?" He tried to say something more but gave up and just squeezed man's hand one more time and, after a hard coughing fit, his eyes fluttered shut. Roy really wanted to shake him awake. How could he do that? Who does he think he is? Why-

Fuery's cry jerked him back to reality. The major was the first to start actual medical protocol and Roy let him because he felt incapable of taking care of it right now. And by the time Roy gathered himself together he missed his chance at helping. Too many people crowded around already and one more would just irritate Fuery further. He took control of the situation and was giving orders to those around. Roy would be useless.

But then different kind of cry attracted his attention. A child was trying to force its way through the chain of soldiers. It was a pitiful sight. Desperate and hysteric, it's wailing sounded almost like a wild animal. 

„What's going on here, Major?" he asked coming closer.

„We're not sure, sir. This girl doesn't want to calm down but we got orders not to let any civilian close so..." 

„You have to!" a girl screamed and turned to Roy. Her eyes stayed for a couple of seconds longer on his hands and blood staining them as well as his uniform. After that, she tried really hard to calm down and after her breath somewhat slowed down she wiped her nose with a scarf. „I... please, he's all I have left. You can't take him away." 

„You mean..." Roy risked a glance at the group focused around Fullmetal. They seemed like they knew what they were doing. „I'm sorry, can you tell me your name? We'll contact your family, someone to take care of you. Is that alright?" 

„I just said, Ed is my only family!" the girl still tried to battle her trouble in breathing but she stared right into Roy's eyes, unflinching. „My name is Anais Elric. I'm his daughter."

In the end, the girl, Anais, didn't get to ride in the ambulance. There were just too many weird and unexplained things going on so they managed to get her into a military car with Roy and two other soldiers who worked as the guards. She was calm, almost unnaturaly, when the ambulance with Ed was within her eyesight. On the corners of the streets or when the light was turning red on the crossing, Roy could hear her breathing pick up and then slow down when the car was again in front of them. 

He tried to ask her for more details but, after the first introduction and some more arguing whether she will go into the ambulance or not, she stubbornly stayed silent. They had time, everything could be sorted out in the hospital. Once Fullmetal or Fullmetal look-a-like, Roy still was wary, woke up they would know what just happened. Or maybe even what had happened 9 years ago.

In the East military hospital, Edward was rushed to the operating room without delay. Roy could just walk as fast as possible without actually running after Anais who was sprinting alongside the gurney. Finally, he caught up to her in front of a gray door. They couldn't go any further. 

"Miss, can you maybe take a seat?" he tried some gentler tone with Anais and was surprised when she complied. But after he took a closer look he noticed she looked exhausted, she was barely able to make her way to the chair. After all the murmurs he heard in the halls he was sure the operation would take hours, so her sitting on a plastic chair wouldn't do. He sent one of the soldiers to fetch a doctor, to look at the girl, and to get some blankets. Roy was pretty sure that even if she was hurt she wouldn't show it or she would try to hide it. If she was her father's daughter, that is. 

No one could move her from the corridor though. She refused every plea and _pretty please?_ adults threw at her. Roy managed to change his clothes and clean the blood from his hands, as some nurse convinced him to do (he couldn't remember her face already), before they finally gave up and just gave Ana a fast checkup on a portable bed they took from one of the side rooms. Besides some bruising and scratches she wasn't wounded so after disinfecting and a couple of band-aids she was left alone. 

Roy knew that he should go back to the Command right at that moment, try to get everything under control before bystanders blew the information up more than necessary in the form of rumors and gossip. But at the same time staying felt more important somehow. Maybe it really was Edward. The face, the hair, the voice. 

But maybe it wasn't. Over the years there were so many fake ones coming and going that people started talking about the Hero of Amestris as if he became some cryptid wondering the country and bringing people luck. In the beginning, Roy would send some teams to check the rumors out, mostly because Alphonse was sure that his brother was alive. Roy didn't want to be the one to break his heart by denying him this bit of hope. General Armstrong was right, he really has gone soft. 

But some time has passed and even Al began to slow down in his search. It was clear that he didn't want to, but at the same time, he could see that his guesses and theories just made everyone around him sadder; their eyes would turning so pitying and pleading every time he'd brought the topic up, that he stopped. 

So maybe it wasn't Edward at all. So much searching; so many years of complete silence. Hopes of finding him falling apart time and time again as it wasn't the first time Roy thought they have found him. But this time, there was one additional element of a puzzle that nobody thought of before. Roy glanced at the girl curled up in a blanket. Her eyes didn't stray from the grey door but at the same time, it didn't seem as if she was seeing them. He knew the signs of trauma and he could only wonder about what happened to the two of them. 

What have they been through? Why were there soldiers after them? That brought even more problems: where did these soldiers come from? Were they Drachman? Aerugian? Fuhrer Grumman and the generals worked really hard on the peace negotiations with the neighbor countries these couple of years but there still was a lot of negative opinions on the topic. Maybe that was someone trying to sabotage one of the treaties. But if so, then they had to find out who and why and if-

A hand fell heavy on his shoulder and tore him away from his thoughts. If he didn't know that gesture by heart now the person in question would wake up tomorrow with a pretty bad headache and a black eye. Roy was already tense but, with how the things were progressing, he just couldn't get down from that high of adrenaline and fear and some glimmers of hope that he tried not to think about. So he was kind of glad he invited his friend for that trip.

"Hey, Roy. I've heard there was some mess going on today, care to share?" Maes Hughes lightly tugged on his shoulder to see him face to face. But his smile disappeared after he saw Roy's face. "What's happening?"

So he told him. Even though it was more in a form of report than his internal ramblings Maes seemed to understand what upset his friend. He made him sit down, Roy just noticed he was standing the whole time, and made his way to the nurse stationed just at the end of the corner. They chatted for a while and then disappeared for a couple of minutes but Maes came back victorious with 3 cups of tea on a tray. It smelled sweet, like flowers.

"Okay so, I had to make a deal with Mrs. Arania- don't ask about what she wants in return!" but I managed to get the tea _and_ sugar. That's amazing." he looked so full of himself and so proud that Roy didn't even want to pop that bubble of his. He just sighed and nodded. "Kiddo, that's for you." he offered the last one to Ana who was still laying unmoving. She glanced at the men and then at the cup but only after the sweet smell of the tea got to her nose. "It will make you feel better, I promise." 

The silence had stretched almost awkwardly but she sat up and took it with a quiet thank you. 

"What's your name?" Maes asked and it was a moment when Roy cursed himself internally because he didn't exactly tell him who the girl was. He thought that maybe it can be kept under the wraps until her father woke up but…

"Umm…" she looked him up and down as if judging him and answered. "Ana."

"And what are you doing here? Are you waiting for someone to pick you up? We can wait with you!"

"No, Maes, she's-"

"I'm waiting for my dad." she pointed at the door and Roy could see the moment the man understood. He lighted up excited.

"Oh my, I didn't think that- I mean- Roy!"

"How long do you think it'll take to get some information, Mr.-"

"Oh! It's-"

"Hughes?" she finished. Both Roy and Maes stared unblinkingly at her. Only after taking a sip and throwing a glance at the door she spoke again. "Ed used to tell me about you. I haven't heard any new stories for quite some time now but… you are similar to what I pictured. If I should call you differently then, please-"

"Maes." he said and put out his hand towards her to shake. Apparently, it was convincing enough for him because his voice sounded just a little bit choked. Roy still felt as if it all was just a big elaborate prank and if he'd ever find the person responsible their prison sentence would be very long. His heart still didn't exactly calm down. 

The man tried to get some new information from Ana but the girl seemed to close up the more he pushed. At the start, she would tell them some scraps of information but at the moment she started to evade every question. She might have heard of them, but that didn't mean they've gained her trust. At some point, she fell asleep. Maes and Roy could only try to decode everything themselves. 

It took them about 3 months to get Ana to open up and tell them some things about 9 years that have passed. It wasn't the whole truth, they knew, but it was progress nonetheless. 

The operation took about 15 hours because the doctors had found a lot of other wounds, old and new, on Ed's body that they needed to take care of. After the patient was carted to his room Ana refused to leave his side. Soon it was confirmed that the man truly was the Edward Elric, boy presumed dead years ago. Roy knew he couldn't just keep it a secret any longer so he personally called Alphonse to tell him the news. 

Al reacted with a victorious shout, happy that his brother has returned but still concerned about his health even after the general had told him doctors were sure he'll make it. He promised to be there as fast as he could, but the trip to the East from Central city would still take him some time. After that, Roy wanted to call Miss Rockbell but Alphonse proposed he'll do it. _It'll be easier,_ he said and Roy felt thankful. There were still many people to inform but that could be done later. If Al didn't do it first. 

Team Mustang visited Ed's hospital room number of times, of course not everyone at the same time, and they marveled about how he had changed and how he grew up and _Oh God, he has a daughter now, I want one too!_ which was said by Havoc. The atmosphere wasn't gloomy at all, it was full of anticipation and some nervousness but it was a happy occasion. Someone dear to them all was back! Even Ana seemed to relax a little. The doctors said he should be awake at the end of the week so everyone was waiting. 

Then Al and Winry arrived and it was as if a new wave of positivity came crashing through the door. Both of them cried happy tears and spent hours a day sitting by Ed's bedside, holding his hands and saying some mild curses from time to time in Winry's case. And as always Al's presence was enough to make everyone else feel at ease. 

Their first meeting with Ana went similarly to Maes' when she guessed their names. By then it was this little game between her and Maes in which he would stop people from introducing themselves to let her guess. She didn't look particularly interested but she didn't stop him either. Both Al and Winry felt so moved. Roy could see they had accepted her as a family the moment they have laid their eyes on her. They told her as such and encouraged to call them uncle and auntie but Ana was a stubborn kid and insisted on calling everyone Mr. and Mrs. That dampened their enthusiasm a little but didn't stop them from adoring her. 

After their arrival, her tongue untwisted a little.

"So, who's the lucky lady?" asked Havoc four days after the incident. Everyone but Winry and Ana sat in the corridor in front of Ed's hospital room. Al, Breda and Falman were playing cards on the floor. 

"Huh? A lucky lady?" Al looked up from the cards. 

"Well, yeah. There's Ed, there's the kid. Where's the lady? She wasn't running with them, was she?"

"Oh, you mean like, Ed's wife?" Breda interjected. "Maybe she stayed… wherever they've been for the past few years." 

"That's so sad. I would love to meet her. Don't you, general?" asked Al, at the same time he put the ace down and won the game. Again.

"Oh, come on!" sighed Breda and threw his cards in the air. Al only smiled.

"She must be… a remarkable woman, I imagine." was the only thing Roy could say. To withstand the storm that Edward Elric was she must have been very strong. 

Before the plans to get her back were set in full motion Ana stepped out of the room.

"Hi, Ana. Where are you going?" Al waved at her and it looked like she smiled slightly.

"I wanted to go to the bathroom." she explained. "And you're wrong."

"We are? About what?"

"There's no wife. It always was just me and Ed." Ana said and all the conversations around faded slowly.

"But then… your mom-" started Havoc and immediately got a kick in a shin from Fuery who until that moment was enjoying his book. It laid closed in his lap now. Everyone thought the same: Ed's wife must have died before Ana was old enough to remember her. All their hearts cried out to their friend who had to raise his child all alone and live with such heartbreak. Roy thought about how unfair the world was, to take so much from a person who would give up all they had for their loved ones.

"My mom? My mom and my dad died when I was really little so I don't remember them much. I know that they were good people and that I should be proud of them. That's what dad says." she said seemingly unperturbed. "He took me in after their deaths." 

"Oh, that's..." Havoc tried to find the right words. "I'm sorry. Shouldn't have asked."

"Huh? It's fine."

That day they've learned that Ana wasn't Ed's biological daughter, which explained some stuff; the child didn't resemble him in any way. But they could see some of him in her habits and behaviors. Roy didn't know if it was just him but sometimes she had this look of determination in her eyes, that reminded him strongly of Fullmetal. Besides that, they've also learned that he never actually married while being away. That came as a surprise to Roy. After all, Ed was truly an extraordinary person. Loud and brash and most likely a little mad, but brilliant all the same. And he cared about his friends and family. What young woman wouldn't fall for him. He had a daughter already, why not find a wife. 

Someone warm and caring who would stand by his side. She would have to be intelligent too, to follow his reasoning and understand the adoration he held for alchemy and science. Maybe they could work together on some amazing breakthroughs. Someone as strong and as stubborn as him. 

But in the end, he chose to stay alone and busy himself with raising a child all on his own. Roy wondered why was that. But he couldn't be judgmental; after all, he himself was far from settling down. 

"Wait. How old are you exactly?" Breda asked suddenly and everyone began to exchange glances. Did anybody know? She wasn't registered as a citizen of Amestris so there weren't any papers to look up. They waited for Edward to wake up to establish everything. Everyone seemed to assume she's like, 7, maybe 8, with how she looked. 

Anaise looked up from her cards. For the last hour men tried to teach her how to play and in a very painful way discovered she already knew how to play poker, and win. It was somewhat nostalgic, seeing her use the same tricks Ed did. 

"I'm 12." she said and everyone just looked at her in shock. 

A week had passed. And then the next one. The training in the East was finished and everyone readied themselves to go back to Central City. Except for Edward Elric, who was still asleep. Doctors couldn't find a cause. _Everything indicates that he's going to wake up soon._ they said but the tone of their voice wasn't as optimistic anymore. Leaving him behind was out of options so Al decided to transfer him to the Central Hospital in the following week.

"I'm going to go back now to arrange everything and Winry will go back with brother and Anais later. You should lead your soldiers back to the Central Command, general, and not worry about us."

"Come on, Alphonse! Go back with us, tomorrow. You'll save money and we can talk some more. It feels like I haven't seen you in a lifetime. You should visit me and Gracia more! Have you seen the photos from…" Roy didn't listen to Maes rambling on and on because he heard the same thing in the morning. _Yes, photos from Elicia's 13th birthday party are really adorable. You do know I was there? Yes, you can give me one, please._

Since Ed's return, almost 9 months have passed. Spring began again, Roy could smell it in the air when he was outside. Unfortunately, the last time he tried to open the window in the hospital room one of the nurses almost kicked him out, saying that it's too chilly. He couldn't agree with her but he let it go just to stay a little longer. He didn't exactly know why. To torture himself more, maybe? To try and catch a glimpse of black under one of Edward's eyelids? Maybe because he didn't want him to be all alone without his daughter around.

Normally, he would sit in an armchair in a corner of the room but today he chose the chair by the bedside. It had better light and he took some papers with him to fill out. It was not because he wanted to be a little closer to Ed. Just in case anything happened. After he sat down his eyes focused on Edward's hands.

For months now he saw how people would take them into their hands and hold them, kiss them or hug them to their chests. It seemed so intimate, a gesture full of love and good wishes. He could never make himself do it. 

If he touched this pale hand lying unmoving on the sheet, almost as white as the material, he was sure it would crumble into dust. Knowing Ed it would be as golden as he is, but knowing Roy he would taint it somehow and turn it in a black and grey mush as if someone tried to mix ash and soot. He simply couldn’t risk it. That one time, while the other was bleeding out, was enough. So he gripped his pen harder and got back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it wasn't going to be 3 chapters long I had to add one tag. Warning for panic/ anxiety attack and one mentioned creepy guy somewhere in the middle.

Ana jerked awake almost violently. The only consolation was that she didn't scream this time. A little confused she looked around and found herself in her dad's old bedroom at Rockbell's house. 

Over the years it was changed into a storeroom for spare parts but the bed was left as it was. After all, uncle Alphonse still paid Mrs. Pinako visits. These were few and far between these days but it was nice- knowing that you have somewhere to come back to. 

A menacing figure in the corner of the room attracted her attention and she felt her heart speeding up-

But it was just a coat she threw on the chair evening before. To calm herself she looked towards the window, to see what time is it. She could already see the sun over the horizon so she figured going back to sleep would be pointless. 

Maybe she could go down to the kitchen and make some tea? Ed used to brew a pot every morning. After some time she even started to associate the smell of it with _Oh, thank God, he's alive_. She really missed it. 

"What are you thinking about?" a sleepy voice asked from the pillow next to Ana and gave her a fright. Again. She has completely forgotten that Elicia shared the bed with her. After all, there weren't many empty beds in the house and Al's already took a couch. 

"You scared me!" Ana hissed clutching the front of her pajama.

"Sorry, sorry. You just..." Elicia made some unclear movements with her hand. "Stared in the space again. Thought I'll ask. Are you okay?" she said, just a little concerned, and Ana wasn't sure. 

She kind of got used to this feeling of worry, loneliness, and yearning so she almost paid it no mind. Almost, because it was harder not to think about it in those moments of silence that sometimes appeared. She was never prepared. 

"I'm fine. Thanks." Elicia shot her unbelieving look but didn't pursue the topic further. She would, Ana knew, but Ellie wasn't exactly what you called an early bird. To give her some more peace of mind before she drifted off Ana smiled slightly. The girl smiled right back and said:

"You know, you can count on me." and then mushed her face into the pillow. Ana could only shake her head amused. She patted Ellie's hair and got up. 

They were going back to Central that day, so since the morning, everyone was tumbling around the house trying to find the last of lost items. Ana was sure she brought that one book about herbology used in alchemy but couldn't find it anywhere. And she had to, it was Roy's. He was kind to her, a little awkward, sure, but she wasn't any better. She didn't want to let him down.

Ed always complained about him at the beginning. When he just started telling her about his life he would call him 'colonel bastard' or 'that fucker'. Before she got to knew Ed's way of expressing himself, she thought that this man must have been a really shitty person. 

But then she started to see some patterns, some little details, in how Ed's eyes would soften a little or how his voice would be more amused than actually angry. When dad mellowed down a notch (and he said that happens to everyone, even though the girl had a problem believing it), he himself must've come to some realization because he stopped using colonel bastard's 'titles' and just called him Roy most of the time. 

Not saying that there was a lot of time when he had to use his name. The more years passed, the less Ed recalled his memories. 

„Okay! Are we ready?” she heard Al calling from the bottom floor. A little annoyed and frustrated, she jumped down the stairs and went after his voice. He was kneeling in the middle of the living room, looking through his suitcase. Ana knew he was packed and ready to go yesterday evening. He probably was checking it now just to spare them embarrassment.

„I can’t find my book. I left the read ones on the nightstand but the one about herbology vanished into the.... space or whatever.” 

„Aah, I can see the problem.” Al nodded his head with sympathy and stood up. „If you have anything else to pack then go do that, I'll look for it.” She thanked him but the moment she walked onto the first step of the stairs she heard ‘Aha!’ and then some quiet laugh. „I found it!”

„How? Where was it?” she asked when Al walked up to her with the book in his hands. He huffed a laugh again and held out his hand to pat her head. She evaded it easily and glared at him. That made him laugh even more.

„You left it in the fridge.” He said and Ana felt blush coloring her entire face. With how pale she was it probably was seen even on the tips of her ears. That was embarrassing! Both the red face and the fridge. 

„Sorry. I don’t-„ she was stuck. There was no excuse, she shouldn’t treat books like that. And she didn’t even remember how it ended up in there!

„That’s fine. You know, brother used to do the same thing. When we stayed in some places, long enough for us to get comfortable, he would leave his books all over. No matter how much I scolded him, the next day I would just find it in some other weird place.” The was a soft smile on his place as he played with a book in his hands. She wouldn’t exactly call it a nervous trick but it still showed that talking about it made him emotional. 

Normally, Ana wouldn’t say that Alphonse was a person who was desperately clinging to the past. His and Ed's childhood, after their mother’s death, wasn’t really a childhood anymore. Then the whole mess with their journey and the end of the world. He lived through some shit and he managed to grow up to be a brilliant and amazing human being. She knew as much, Ed would sing praises about his younger brother, so it wasn't a surprise to see him as an adult and agree with all that her dad had said. 

She felt as if she knew him her whole life. At the same time, she didn’t deserve it. How could she? 

Al didn’t cling to the past, but he still was just a human. His brother was the only thing that he couldn’t let go of; the only weakness of sort. And Ana has been terrified when she heard how much time Al spent searching for him. She’s been terrified but, to be honest, it wasn’t exactly for Al. It was for dad. 

She felt ashamed for the first time in years. In the place where they’ve lived, because she couldn’t call it home, worrying about anyone else but Ed was kinda counterproductive. It was a luxury.

Ed would suffer so much when he got to know about his brother’s second journey. _And he will know because he always does_\- Ana was sure of that. He would be so angry with himself that he was the reason and sad that he couldn’t go along with his brother. Ed was the kind of person who would sacrifice everything for others but refuse whenever somebody proposed him any help. 

Knowing he was the reason his brother lost a couple of years after the Promised Day, years he should spend being carefree and happy, and taking his life back, would completely shatter him. He would feel a need to mourn and grieve as if he didn’t do that enough already. 

The day Ed finally woke up would be just the beginning of a really rocky and difficult path. She was so ready for it and so so afraid. Some nights dread just wouldn’t leave her be. 

When everyone was more or less ready it was time to sit together for their last dinner of this visit. Mrs. Rockbell and Paninya have started preparing it in the morning already, now just finishing touches were needed. 

Ana had to admit, she liked Paninya very much. She knew of her existence before, sure, but she wasn’t important enough for dad to come back to in his stories a lot. So Ana was really curious about her. 

Seeing her and talking to her was as if for the whole time she could see just a picture and at that moment it became a real person. 

She remembered that in the first few months after she came to Central with Ed and Winry she had thought of people as paintings. Or maybe puzzles? She knew about them from stories but in her head, those people were never dimensional. And now all of them had different voices, face mimics, little habits and ticks, passions and hobbies. Likes and dislikes. It was a shock to her. And little by little she started to think _What about people I don’t know about? How does meeting them feels?_. 

But the most important thing to figure out then was a place for her to stay. In the east, she could stay in the hospital all day long because it was a military facility, but Central Hospital played by its own rules and even military personnel couldn’t argue much. 

It was said that Ana’s stay by her father's side would just be more damaging for her than healing. Months later she'd kind of agree. She wasn’t happy with it in the slightest but she could see where the doctors came from. But then- she was so terrified. She wouldn’t let go of Ed's bed no matter what. She cried and screamed. Threw a tantrum after tantrum. She hadn’t known she was capable of that. 

When she lived with Ed it was a really quiet life. In their house sometimes even a whisper felt like a scream. Her throat wasn’t used to so much wailing so it gave out after two hours and only then adults managed to sit her down for long enough to have a proper conversation. 

The mediator was, of course, Alphonse, because who else. They sat in one of the offices along with Mr. Hughes and one of the doctors who were going to be responsible for her father.

She had been so worked up that she barely remembered the talk. Her being angry, her trying to scream and failing. The looks Al and Mr. Hughes were exchanging. 

„Anais, I’m sorry that we talked about it behind your back.” That’s how her uncle started. „But while we were talking on the train, coming back here, the topic just naturally came up and... I’m sorry.” He sighed. „But we don’t know when broth- your dad will wake up. It may be any day now or it may take him some more time. And it’s important to us that you have a place to stay and that someone is taking care of you.”

„I want to stay here.” She said and cringed at how rough and whiny her voice came out. Everyone in the room decided to ignore that. 

„I understand. Believe me, I do.” He said and she couldn’t _not_ believe him. She already saw how much he loved his brother. There was no doubt; he stayed in his room the same amount of time she did. At that moment she instantly felt bad. She made such a scene and he was so calm even though both of them were Ed’s family. They were both suffering. She could only nod which encouraged Al to talk. „Doctors and nurses here have a lot of other things to do. They can’t keep an eye on you. And we both know that Ed will kick my ass if anything bad happens to you.” He chuckled, just a little bit strained and looked at her for a reaction. The silence was better than rage, he must’ve decided because he took a breath and continued. „I wanted to take you in myself, please believe me, but my accommodations as of now are simply... not enough. That’s why we thought about it together with Mr. Hughes,” he motioned his hand in his direction. „And if you decide you’re okay with that he and his wife will be umm...”

„We’ll be more than happy to take you in for as long as you need.” Mr. Hughes finished. He wore a slight smile for the whole duration of the conversation and she didn’t know if she should be creeped out or impressed. She chose the latter. „It must be hard for you right now, we know. But we thought that after Alphonse we’re the best next option. If your dad said anything about us to you, then you must know that he and Al both stayed at our home from time to time. Winry too.”

„Yes, I know about that.” She nodded. Ed always smiled when recollecting those memories. „I understand but... I don’t want to be a bother...” she tried her last card.

„You wouldn’t be! Ed is like a family to us. Of course, we want to take care of his daughter.” Maes said excitingly, but she still didn’t look convinced. „It’s not that far from here so you will be able to visit whenever you like.” He added with a small hope in his voice.

She heard the message loud and clear this time: _There’s no way you’re staying at the hospital. No one will help you with it, no one will agree. You must let go and do as we say_. 

It wasn’t pleasant, more like violent. She tried fighting bile rising in her throat but she couldn’t say a word. So she nodded hurriedly and prayed that they’ll let her go outside the office. Their happy and relieved faces didn’t help her at all. 

Al and Mr. Hughes said something about making temporary papers for her but she didn’t listen. She nodded again and walked out into the corridor. Without anyone in sight she ran to the bathroom. 

It wasn’t any easier after that. Mr. Hughes’ family was a delight to be around, but to be honest, it started to weight Ana down. It was too much. 

They were all so positive and when they interacted with people she could see how they infected others with good energy. She figured she must’ve been immune then. In the beginning, both Mr. and Mrs. Hughes tried to rope her into talking, doing activities together like walks in the park or going to the sports center, trying out new things to find her a hobby. But she had so little motivation that even if she came across anything that normally would interest her she would leave it be and doesn’t bother. 

After some time they have let her be. Of course, they’ve been very understanding of her situation and assured her that she can always come to them if she’ll feel the need to talk or if she needs something. And she felt thankful, that was enough. 

That didn’t tone down their characters even one bit but it calmed somewhat. They didn’t try to take her outside anymore if she didn’t want to, which was the case every time they went out. 

Elicia was different though. Ana liked her very much since the moment they've first met. Not that she didn’t like her parents, they just could get overwhelming. 

Elicia was great at reading people. For Ana, who had very little social interactions in her life, it seemed as if she could see through the human soul. Elicia just laughed and tried to explain to her how she did it. 

To Ana’s surprise, it was a little similar to looking for signs of a lie in a person. Her dad taught her how to do that but apparently reading other emotions wasn’t that important. 

Ana concluded her lecture by saying that it may help but if Ana really wants to figure out people she has to practice by talking to them. All the theory in the world won’t help her if she doesn’t go outside and get some experience. That got Ana stuck. 

It wasn’t that she never talked to other kids her age. It’s just... every other kid she met was almost the same. Quiet, easily spooked, not the talkative type. And even when the conversation with them started there weren’t a lot of those who had anything interesting to say. The same topics were making circles over and over and over again. War... death... sorrow...so many casualties. Ana had enough of them. 

She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs but Ed always knew what was going on in her head and every time, without a fail, he would walk up to her and get her away. Sometimes leave her in his bedroom, sometimes in a garden under the tree. It was nice. 

During her stay with Hughes’ family, she hadn’t had those safe places anymore. She could lock herself in Elicia’s room or the bathroom but that would be rude or weird them out and she didn’t want to risk it. She had to stay close to the hospital. The only other place she could stay at that adults ever talked about was Risembool. That was far away! 

So she stayed obedient and polite. Ana locked everything in little boxes inside her head and tried to just wait, be patient and survive. She was good at that.

Guests would always praise her, saying that she’s mature and a proper lady already. That she must be a delight to be around. One of the military officials said that she would make a fine wife material. Mr. Hughes’ eyes tensed at the edges and he skillfully directed the topic on a different topic.

Mr. Mustang, or general, visited them a couple of times too. Every second Friday he would come for dinner and they all sat at the big table in the dining room, talking and talking about everything. Ana and Elicia would sneak out after the desert, as children do, and run away from the boring adult conversations. When they did Ana always felt eyes on her back. 

And it was exactly on one of those nights that she couldn’t keep everything inside anymore. Little boxes figured that they don’t want to be still anymore and everything just flooded her mind, making her nose itch and eyes water. She could just hide. Let it pass. 

Elicia was sleeping already, it was late. From the bottom floor, Ana could faintly hear talking but she couldn’t exactly focus on it. Normally she was able to, to eavesdrop a little, but that night it was just insignificant. Why would she bother with these when she could barely breathe. Deciding that Mr. Hughes probably wasn't going to use his office that late at night she directed herself there.

She was silent on her feet and good at sneaking in the dark. _Like a little ghost_ Ed said once but to this day she couldn’t figure out if that was a compliment or a critique. There wasn’t a reprimand in his tone, but his eyes were sad. 

So she ghosted her way through the halls, voices quieting behind her, and she found herself before the door to the office. With relief, she pushed them and slipped inside. 

A light got to her eyes somewhat late. Only after a couple of long seconds, she saw the lamp being turned on on the desk and a person slumped in one of the armchairs. 

The general was looking at her. Curious, mostly. Intrigued. 

Oh, crap, she didn’t have time for this. She just wanted to rest somewhere safe away from prying eyes, curl up, focus and breathe. Her mind wasn’t working properly so she gave him a clumsy curtsey and turned on her feet to flee but Roy’s voice stopped her.

„Trouble sleeping?” he asked and she nodded in response. Maybe he’ll let her go to bed. Ellie was a heavy sleeper, if Ana tried to mute some noises while crying, she shouldn’t wake up. „Personally, I needed a breather.”

„A breather?” that sounded pleasant. 

„Yes. I’m spending the weekend here because I have a renovation at my house. It will take some time. Gracia was kind enough to invite me here.” Roy sighed. „But sometimes I need a break and this office is the most separated room.” He looked away from her and through the window. There was a big round moon in the sky that night. 

„I think I need a break too.” She said and to her ears, it sounded like a whisper but it couldn’t be with how fast Roy whipped his head towards her. The flood in her mind never relented and now it found its way out as the girl started to bawl her eyes out sinking to the floor. She felt her knees hurt as she hit the ground but she barely registered it with this pain inside of her, that loneliness and the need to just let it all go and disappear and- 

She could hear someone swearing nearby and coming closer. 

„Okay, okay, okay. Anais, can you hear me?” the voice shook a little at the beginning but soon it turned calm and serious. Ana was somewhat grateful. She nodded. „Great. I want you to know that this is just temporary. It will pass in a couple of minutes, okay? Now, can you breath for me?” 

„Can you count? You count and I’ll breathe.” She stuttered and tried to hold her breath a little longer than the one before. It made her gasp but it was a progress. Soon she heard slow counting and tried to focus on how the numbers sounded. 

It took a couple of minutes, just as Roy said. When Ana looked up from her hands the man was sitting cross-legged some distance away in front of her.

„I’m so- I’m so sorry about the trouble.” 

„It’s no trouble at all.” He said and even though she still felt guilty it wasn’t that bad with Roy around. She knew he wasn’t a bad person. The golden eye that looked at her with some sadness just reminded her that further. „You must be tired. Do you want to stay here or should I escort you to your room? If you need it I’ll leave you alone.”

Ana was pretty tired. Exhausted, really. She just never learned that bottling her feeling for longer periods of time was a bad idea. The aftermath was always tiring. 

But she didn’t want to go anywhere and frankly, she didn’t want Roy to go anywhere either. When he calmed her down he knew what he was doing which meant he had some experience. She saw understanding in his eyes. It was soothing. Knowing that there are other people who also struggle even if she didn’t wish it on anyone. 

„You said that you’re here to rest, Mr. Mustang. Can I maybe stay here too?” 

Ana napped for some time and when she woke up Roy was reading. It was a different book than the one he chose from the bookshelf when she was falling asleep but she didn’t comment on that. 

They spent the rest of the night recommending books to each other. Roy read most of the ones Ana pointed out but it was nice either way. A couple of times she slipped and proposed a title that probably didn't exist in this world. Roy would give her a blank look, but even he couldn't know every single book in the world, so she wasn't too concerned. 

She discovered that spending time with the man wasn’t as taxing as spending time with Hughes’ family. She didn’t feel bad for avoiding some of the questions he tried asking her because he was avoiding her questions too. And when the silence fell over them from time to time throughout the night, and then as the sun was rising outside, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was pleasant. A break, a breather. And even though she didn’t sleep much that night she felt rested. 

It took them only over a month to propose weekends at Roy’s. Ana really didn’t want to upset the family by telling them that sometimes she felt the need to get away from them and even after Roy assured her they would understand she stubbornly stood her ground. What finally made her smile was the man saying under his breath _Why are all the Erlics the same?_.

And now she couldn’t imagine how would she manage without visits to Roy. The week spent in Risembool was a great experience, of course. She saw the place her dad grew up. Uncle showed her all their hideouts and spots they liked to play. They even went to pay respects to her grandparents. 

She tried really hard not to look at the grave nearby, smooth and gray with gold transmutation circle at the corner. Al said they’ve already taken care of getting rid of it and the next time she visits it’s not going to be there anymore. Ana really hoped for that to be true. 

But it saddened her a little that she's not going to see Roy quite some time still as they were all going back straight to Hughes' house. What cheered her up was the thought that months have passed from that night and she was able to do better. Or at least she tried to! When she felt like it, but still. 

Ana had to admit, slowly getting used to that life she led now wasn't so bad after all. After years of stories and memories of those places and people, she finally was able to get to know them. She always thought it impossible. It felt like this unreachable world on the other side of the gate was in the palm of her hand now. There was just one thing missing. And she couldn't wait. 

The group of doctors and nurses were making their way to the hospital room 520 at the same time as Ana was getting onboard the train lost in thought. Elicia tugged on her hand and she laughed a little embarrassed. Al was already inside looking at the girls fondly from the window of their compartment, and Winry with Paninya were standing behind her back calling goodbyes and waving. 

It was nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! 
> 
> There's still not a lot of info but I needed to make a background for the story. This work is finished but next week the second one (happier one) will start!! ^^


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